ilee110

We always talk about how we wish it was like before... and why won't we?  Before it was all happy and fun. 

You told me that if you could turn back time you would... and a few days ago, if you had that power, I would have probably said "please do" so that things wouldn't hurt and be hard.

But right now, I realize that the present might not be that bad after all... Today even if things are tough, you still stick by me... you always try to make things better... you're still here and haven't left.

I always looked at it in a way that things weren't strong because things changed... now, I realize that what we have is strong because despite those changes, we still try to be there for each other.

I may not often tell you this but thank you...  Thank you for being the best.

It's nice to look back at this journal... The way I post here and in blogspot seems to be very different

I have moved my journal to

http://www.ilee110.blogspot.com

goodbye to lj and thanks for the memories!!!
see you all in my new journal

freakin didnt feel good when i got home... i think im gona ba sick. its like all the muscles in my body turned to jello and it aces and all but funny thing i duno why its that way.... not like ive gone baddy recently or sumthin...

i guess theo also took its toll on me. i dont know why my other groupmates were so nervous about our report when everything looked good naman before report time. so i just kept my cool saying na we're gona do okay and all that and we did naman... but then i guess i still got tired from it.

so i slept after dinner... but my sleep wasnt a good one. puto-putol and i kept waking up... and i woke up finally 12 plus... tried to sleep but in trying i guess i made myself feel worse for suddenly there i was lying in my bed feeling sad for the first time in such a long time... and its not even cause something depressing happened today or im bugged with a big problem... its just that i had one of those flashbacks to all that happened the past months... and i guess i was trying to figure out what went wrong, what i could have done, this and that and other endless things... and somehow, i think i was searching also for the anger i felt, for the sadness and the hurt that was there for the longest time... and i was wondering what happened to those feelings and how i transcended over them... and how i survived all the trials i have faced the past 19 years...

i think remnants of all those hurts are still with me now in a way... cause i wouldnt be feeling like this if not for that... but i know that somehow i have let go also of the past which i think is sorta a big leap for someone like me. the only thing now i guess is to learn to look forward to the future, not fearing things but realizing that the past has made me stronger... stronger than so much people i know. and though sometimes those people i open up to seem to give me that "youre such a weakling" vibe, i just wont agree cause im right here... right now...and after all the things im still standing and doing good... so please when i open up... i dont need you to pity me... share my hurt but dont pity me. be there for me, help me stand up cause i know no one is so strong to be able to do everything on his own... thats why we need people to be there for us but then if you are going to be there, take away the judgements, critiques... and be there as a friend.

people who know me well know thats its the simplest of things that mean a lot to me... and the simplest of things that can turn the rage button on... sometimes im astounded at how i can pass by the major ones.. its all weirdbut i guess that uniquely me? haha

batman begins rocks!!!! the story is so good and never has batman kicked ass any cooler!!!! i thought after batman returns no good batman movie would come out again but this one is really really good! at last a movie does justice to my favorite dc hero ;p

finance test was pretty great! haaay lao at last we made it through the week!!! prayer is the answer!!! come back na!!! haha 2 weeks na lang!!! im thinking tuloy il jus skip school on the 29th and lets watch war of the worlds whahaahhaa ;p but then again i still wana let you sit in rin in my ls class ;p

thanks mat for waiting for me for an hour... super hiya cause this is the 2nd time ive let you wait for me! really really a great friend. sorry for laughing when the willy wonka trailer went on! shit when we were watching the trailers kanina i told ya that harry potters coming out novemeber pa ryt? that really sucks!!! i wana watch that with you guys :( haha il watch it na lang with my hongkee friends lol but it still wudnt be the same.

manny!!! ;p hahaha sa monday may video ulit kami sa gubat cause our groups not done filming! wag mo na ako hulihin hahaha btw, you saved me that day from a really really boring lecture! ako huhuli syo nex time ;p

im so happy :) that im so scared somthing might go wrong... as i told ver kanina... everytime im happy something big just creeps over the corner and it ruins everything... i just really hope thats not gona happen this time... :p

its now 7 am, 2 hours after waking up and reading the final chapter for my ls long test later at 1:30 pm.

ive still got time to hopefully read theo and finish a paper... i duno lang if id be able to actually finish it.

later theres a dinner at tim's and its playstation night for the kada. first time we're duin sumthin like this so it should be fun... whats hard is that i dont kow if i could go because as ive said ive got theo hw and quiz for tom, add also the philo readings and quiz... when we planned it, i just didnt say that i had to do something cause i dont wana ba the kj who would ruin the plans... im sure the guys would be willing to move it but sayang naman... it might cause hassle pa for them.

and then maiqui texts about mini golf and inuman tom!!!!!

fudge talaga!

now that im the only one with school and everyone's free, it such a bummer having not to spend time with my friends..... i just hope talaga that finance woulndt give stuff to do for wednesday so at least i could go tom to miqs thing... and i hope somehow i could finish theo now so i could at least drop by later

i'm missing people...
wala lang!
i'm not sad
in fact im happy.
i just miss a lot of people!

- 1500 bucks
- a visa credit card
- an hsbc credit card
- equitable atm
- rustan's discount card
- xavier alumni card
- gentext card
- driver's license
- pictures
- old movie passes
- little notes
---------------> kenneth cole wallet

all gone today... i have no wallet... i have no cash since it would take a while to get the atm card... i cant purchase stuff on credit for about a week...

ugh... i feel so powerless without my wallet
add all the hassle of getting a license again and all the other cards...

haaay. i just hope the one who stole my wallet would make good use of the money to buy something useful like food....

:(

when will i be enough?
when will i be complete?
when will i be someone's missing piece?

the past hmm 3 weeks have been quite different and new.

its the feeling of
- riding the roller coaster for the first time
- letting your bare feet touch the sand
- drifting along the ocean with just blue all around
- hitting the pavement but not feeling the initial sting of the wound
- exploding like a bottle of wine shaken so hard

and with all these, there is one person who has shared the past 3 weeks with me every step of the way.

youre not my girlfriend but my girlfriend in law
youre not one of the boys but i consider you barkada
youre not one of my friends but one of the real few who are friends
youre not anything less but all just the best i could ever have...

and for all that i thank you
- for the riddles
- for the jokes
- for the stories
- for letting me confide in you
- for supporting me
- for believing that things will be all right
- for your support
- for the funny messages
- for visiting me
- for being the best to tim
- and for a thousand and one reasons that make life simply NOT "yuuuck"